My Story/college

My Story - Ashley Harris

For Ashley Harris, Leadership = Falling Down and then Getting Up

“I know I push you a lot... but that's because I think you can handle it!  Leadership, like life, is not always peachy.  It's not easy, nor does it make sense.  It takes risk and courage... I think I see that in you more and more every time I see you.” – Irene Fernando
 
I once received this e-mail after a really difficult moment on a Pay it Forward Tour. On this tour I was convinced that I couldn’t take being a leader anymore and that I was going to fail. For a night or two I was perplexed and upset at why I had spent so much time working on this trip when things kept going wrong. I was debriefing with my other bus core leaders and we all found ourselves in many fits of laugher at the craziness that had gone on and I started to feel better. It was then that I started to remind myself that tomorrow was a new day with a possibility of more chaos but this time I knew confident I could make it through.
 
Throughout my four years of involvement in STLF if there was anything that I learned it was that falling down and getting back up again was what really develops a leader, even if that means falling down a hundred times. I came into STLF a freshman afraid of falling because I wouldn’t be able to get up again and I left STLF a senior in college with a few scars but with a sense of confidence and self assurance. I had learned that I could take new risks and adventures because I knew I could get back up again.  I didn’t let my falling down end with STLF but rather I began a new adventure in Georgetown Guyana, South America.
 
I have been in Georgetown, Guyana for 12 months and will remain here until July of 2012, serving with Mercy Volunteer Corps. I currently have two jobs.  My first job is teaching computers at a vocational school for disadvantaged youth. Many of my youth come from difficult, abusive, and poverty stricken homes, they have a low education level and lack the opportunity for a solid career.  My second job is at a local HIV treatment program. I give HIV pre-test and post test counseling, teach HIV information sessions and counsel those who have HIV about life problems, medication, nutrition and anything else necessary. I work with people who have been stigmatized by the rest of the world. Both sets of people that I work with are marginalized and in need of much love.
 
Working these two jobs has allowed me to fall down a lot. Not only did I have to learn many new life lessons but also many different cultural lessons. I had to learn to be humble and let other people guide me. Embarrassed, confused and lost were words I would use on a regular basis to describe my life to my roommates! Throughout all of this chaos I would often remind myself that I can get through this. I knew that I had faced difficulties before and that it had only made me a better person and a better leader.

On the left, Ashley with a boy from the orphanage she works at.  On the right, Ashley with a student who invited her to a Hindi wedding.

For me, STLF impacted my desire to make change

Something that I have found similar between my experiences here in Georgetown and throughout STLF is the desire to change. My students were listening to a song by Popcaan called “Gangsta City”. I began listening to the lyrics (which takes some translation if you are not fluent in Caribbean English) and the lyrics that hit me go: “I come from a place where blood spill, and nuff innocent youth get dead killed… to do my best [because] inna this city [there is] nuff pain and stress”.  The song describes the problems that are encountered everyday by the singer. One of my students and I were having a conversation and I could tell that they had the energy and potential to make change but was frustrated and scared to take any steps. This student felt trapped in their difficult situation and was missing the confidence to make the change. I reminded myself not to try and teach them confidence but rather reveal confidence and the potential they already had. I empathized with this student remembering when I was frustrated and upset with life and being unsure of what I was able to do next.  I encouraged them to take change one small step at a time.

I shared with this student what STLF taught me: change takes time, but each small step counts. I also reminded them that each time we try and change something for the good even if we fail we will always succeed at making ourselves a stronger and better person.

While working at the hospital I often find people who are judged so easily by the outside world. It’s easy to assume many false things about HIV positive people from a far distance and even easier to lack compassion and love for those affected by this disease. I have learned while being in Guyana that at end of each day we all still simply desire to be loved and accepted. Although the difficulties that face my HIV patients may seem astronomically larger than the boyfriend breakup that someone was struggling with on a PIF tour I always find that the only solution is compassion and an open heart. STLF taught me to try not to act on my judgments but look at the person for who they are and what they have to offer the world. It’s with this open heart that I find the same compassion helping those in need no matter what the problem.  
 
Like Irene pushed me through some tough times in my leadership I aspire to push my students and the patients I see to be their best version of themselves. I believe they all have potential. I am thankful for those in STLF who pushed me, who continue to inspire me, and for those still yet to be inspired.  I am reminded while writing this that no one person is alone in their desire to instill change. I am reminded to be positive and to have hope for many others who will fall down, learn from it, and get back up as a better person.
 
To end I would like to share some lyrics to my current favorite song that helps me to make it through the tough days here. It reminds me that when you fall you can get back up, that people will hurt you, judge you, and mistreat you but it’s okay – we don’t know what the future will bring so therefore we must live every day to the fullest. Each moment has potential for growth and we must never forget that. 

Learn more about Ashley's adventures by visiting her blog! 

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